One Year

One year ago, I wondered who you’d be.   What you’d be named.  Whether you’d match up to the vision I had in my head of a female version of your brother:  dark hair, big brown eyes and olive skin.  I imaged your fat little hands and the creases in your legs where the skin just couldn’t contain the pudge beneath it.

One year ago I had no idea that you’d be nothing like I expected.  That we’d name you something that wasn’t even on our list until just before you were born and that it would end up suiting you perfectly.  That you’d sleep for 7 hours a stretch at only 6 weeks old and, at a year, for 12 hours a night consistently.  Or that you’d be a petite, tiny little thing and you’d resemble your father much more than me: his big light eyes, his fair skin, his lighter hair.  I didn’t imagine that you’d ever have issues gaining weight or how, once we moved to solid foods, you’d skip baby food entirely and move straight to steak and salmon.

One year ago, I wondered how your brother would react to no longer being the center of attention all the time – if he’d be able to stand sharing us with someone else.  I had no idea that he would not only welcome you but love you as fiercely as we do.  That, after having the stomach flu he would beg to kiss and hug you and that, on the day I finally deemed him well enough to do so, he’d smother you with love the moment I brought you downstairs in the morning.

One year ago, I didn’t realize it was possible for my heart to love two children so intensely and yet so equally.  I didn’t know how my heart would swell when you first clapped your hands or waved goodbye.  Or how I’d laugh every time the two little stubs of your front teeth peek out when you smile.  Or how I’d melt while watching you and your brother play peek-a-boo.

One year ago, I had no idea how much more my life would be enriched.  How, each day, it would be so much harder to leave for work and how much more excited I would be to come home.  Or how every emotion I already felt would be multiplied exponentially.

One year ago you joined us.  And I’m so incredibly glad you did.

Happy Birthday, sweet girl.

robinshetler We miss you too! Will give them both hugs and kisses – and will text you soon so we can setup some time for you to do it yourself too!December 12, 2012 – 3:08 pm

Holly Robin, that is the sweetest thing I have ever read! I have tears running down my cheek! I miss all of you…please give the kids some hugs and kisses for me!December 12, 2012 – 12:45 pm

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